The 6th Love Language: Planning a Future Memory

I didn’t buy my friend a gift for her 30th birthday. I planned her one.

Since I couldn’t be there for her bachelorette trip, I chose a city neither of us had been to, mapped out the travel day, booked the hotel, and wrapped it all up as a surprise for her birthday. It wasn’t just a trip. It was my way of saying: I know you, I thought about you, and I built something just for us.

My friend and I are two travel-holic women. We don’t do the occasional vacation. We organise our lives around trips, make sure every break is used to go somewhere old or new, and see travel as a core part of who we are. So for a birthday as big as turning 30, instead of gifting her jewellery (which we both love), I wanted to give her something else - an experience that could turn into a shared memory she’d carry with her.

Choosing the location: Antwerp 🇧🇪

Planning a trip for someone requires more attention to detail than you’d expect. For us, this was the tricky part. Between the two of us, we’ve been to over 30 countries together, so this trip had one non-negotiable rule: it had to be somewhere neither of us had been before.

After searching high and low - and with a little help from AI (yes, ChatGPT) - I landed on Antwerp. I’d heard it was known for fashion, diamonds, and architecture, which felt perfect for a girly getaway. The fact that Antwerp is at the heart of the diamond trade also tied in nicely with the bachelorette theme. Add photogenic streets for inevitable photo shoots, and Belgian chocolate everywhere… what could go wrong?

Who would ever turn down Belgian chocolate?

Planning the travel day

My friend, being the crazy girl she is, is doing a PhD and working part-time! A combination that leaves very little room for chaos. I wanted the travel day to feel easy and give us time to actually catch up.

I toyed between the idea of driving from UK to Belgium and taking the Eurostar. The Eurostar won. A relaxed train journey meant we could talk, snack, and ease into the trip together - ideally over a mini train picnic.

We are, after all, two chatterboxes. Modern-day Lady Whistledowns, if you will.

To avoid any travel-day stress, I asked her to meet me at King’s Cross three hours early!

And no, we never ran out of things to talk about.

Booking the accommodation

If there was one thing I refused to compromise on, it was comfort. We walk everywhere when we travel, so a good bed was essential.

Since we’d be arriving late, I also didn’t want the added stress of hunting for breakfast the next morning. There’s nothing quite as bad as two hangry women trying to make decisions.

With the help of Booking.com, I found what felt like the perfect combination and booked a hotel with breakfast included. And not just any breakfast — a spread. Salads, teas, eggs, toast… they even had an actual mint plant so you could make fresh mint tea.

We stayed at the Lindner Hotel Antwerp, and honestly, the breakfast alone nearly carried the trip.

The Reveal

Surprising my friend with the trip

I started hyping the surprise early. First, I designed an invitation “inviting” her to a surprise Chic Weekend*. Then, on her actual birthday, I shared a short video revealing the destination.

A week before the trip, I sent over a proposed itinerary. A few days later, a packing checklist followed.

Was this overboard? Absolutely. But if I was gifting her a trip, I didn’t want to also gift her travel stress.

As a bonus (and slightly risky move), I asked her fiancé to film her reaction. In hindsight, this was brave - because imagine if she hated the destination.

*Chic weekend because it wasn't as big as a Hen weekend (Hen party is what they call Bachelorette weekend in the UK).

Antwerp, experienced

To our surprise, Antwerp was nothing like we expected. And not in a good way.

Let’s start with the positives. The hotel was fantastic. The beds were so comfortable we got some of the best sleep we’d had in weeks. The breakfast? Unreal. I will be dreaming about it for days. And most importantly, the quality time with my friend was exactly what I’d hoped for.

Now, the reality of what Antwerp as a city itself was like;

There was no real “wow” factor. No breathtaking scenery, no standout food scene, nothing particularly memorable. Antwerp felt like a city built for diamond merchants: endless diamond shops, warehouses, and very little else.

No cute cafés. No Belgian waffles. No easy-to-find Belgian chocolate. That one genuinely shocked me.

So would I recommend Antwerp as a girly getaway? Probably not.

And yet, despite all of that, the trip was never a failure.

Because the value of it wasn’t in the destination - it was in the invisible work behind it. The months of thought. The planning. The decisions made in advance so she wouldn’t have to make them later. Choosing the train, the hotel, the breakfast, the timing. Designing the reveal. Creating the invitation. Building the whole thing so she could simply show up.

All of that effort, wrapped together, is what I now think of as the 6th (invisible) love language: planning a trip.

It’s not effortless - far from it. But when it’s done well, it disappears. The tickets are ready. The bed is comfortable. The food is waiting. And the person you planned it for gets to experience it without ever seeing the work behind it.

For people who organise their lives around travel, planning isn’t just logistics - it’s how we show care. It’s how we say 'I know what you’ll enjoy, I thought ahead, I wanted this to feel easy for you.'

Maybe the destination isn’t always perfect. But the intention usually is. And sometimes, that’s more than enough.